Embracing My Faith and Identity
Written by Sydney — New York, USA
For a long time, I felt I had to choose between being Christian and being queer. But the truth is, God created me as I am, and I had learned that. The more I embrace this, the more I find peace. My faith is not in those who try to exclude me, but in God who loves unconditionally. By holding onto the traditions that uplift me, surrounding myself with community, and walking in the truth of who I am, I find joy, peace, and a sense of belonging.
As a Black lesbian, growing up in a deeply religious household, I always felt forced to believe in God because of how much my mother loved and talked about him. She talked about his power, love, and the ways in which he shaped our lives. So while being young, I started questioning my belief in God, but I feel like most Christians go through a period of doubting their faith. Where they are searching for their own understanding of what God means to them. As I grew up, praying to God allowed me to feel the closest to him because during that moment I needed him the most. I was able to have a one-on-one conversation with him. While speaking to God, I know that I must be patient, and even though he might not give me what I asked for, I know it is always going to be something that I need.
Through my own trials and hardships, I found my love for God. While dealing with the hardships of depression, stress, school, and financial struggles, I found my voice while speaking to God. While asking him to take away all my pain, I realized how much I needed him in that moment and later on how he guided me to success. I felt the blessing of all he has done and continues to do for me. Being born in a Black Christian household, praying before eating my meal was ingrained into my brain. It was something that I was taught to learn over the years. And now, after 17 years, I pray before I eat any meal instantly because I've learned to be grateful for my meals. Another practice that I've learned is journaling my thoughts. When faced with challenges of stress during the school year, I always turned to journaling about my feelings and thoughts because I felt I had no person to turn to except for God and my journal.
Through the hardships of transitioning into high school and the stress that comes with that. It was very challenging for me to get used to. Throughout the hardships of juggling multiple clubs, homework assignments, and personal self-care. At times I felt like I was drowning in responsibilities, struggling to balance everything. I was able to find peace through praying and journaling. I've had to put my trust fully in God and his plan for me, no matter how long that plan might take. Faith does not always provide immediate answers, but it does provide the strength to keep going.
